Imagine sitting with your dad at the kitchen table, sharing a story from your day. He looks out the window, and you wonder if he’s really hearing you. Communicating with a loved one who has dementia feels like trying to tune into a fading radio station—sometimes the connection is clear, other times it’s filled with static. But there are ways to strengthen that connection and share meaningful moments together. Let’s learn how to talk to a loved one living with dementia.
Getting Their Attention to Connect
It’s always helpful when communicating with someone with dementia to get their attention before you start talking:
Say their name clearly.
Gently touch their shoulder or arm.
Wait until they make eye contact and show they are paying attention.
From our earliest days, our brains are wired to listen to the sound of our name. It activates a special level of awareness. These simple steps help signal to your loved one that you want to connect.
Talk To Them Face-to-Face
Just like with any conversation, stand close and make eye contact. When you’re face-to-face, it’s easier for your loved one to pick up on facial expressions and lip movements, which helps with understanding, especially if they have any hearing challenges. Think of it like sharing a secret—you lean in closer to make sure your message is received. Avoid yelling across the room. That can be confusing and frustrating for someone with dementia.
Keeping Messages Simple for Clarity
Imagine trying to remember a long list of errands without writing them down—it feels overwhelming. Sharing too much information at once confuses someone with dementia. Instead of saying, “Mom, you have appointments on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, and we need to prepare for each one,” break it down: “Mom, you have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.“
Give them time to think through and process each piece of information before moving on to the next one. It’s like serving a meal one course at a time rather than all at once. Shorter chunks of information are easier for them to digest.
Minimizing Distractions for Better Focus
Background noise and busy environments make it harder to focus. If the television is on or there’s a lot happening around you, try moving to a quieter spot. You know how you turn down the radio when you’re trying to find an address? It’s just like that. They need fewer distractions to concentrate better.
Here are some ways to minimize distractions:
Turn off background noise like the television or radio.
Move to a quieter area when having important conversations.
Avoid busy environments when possible.
Large family gatherings can also be loud and overwhelming, so it may be helpful to move to a quieter area when you talk to a loved one with dementia.
How To Pick The Best Time To Talk To A Loved One With Dementia
Certain settings, like family get-togethers or other crowded places, can be overstimulating. It can be hard for your loved one to follow conversations in these environments. Instead, look for calm moments at home to have important talks. It’s like choosing to read in a quiet library instead of a busy café.
Patience and Repetition for Gentle Reminders
Sometimes, your loved one doesn’t remember what you’ve talked about, even a few moments after you’ve said it. This will feel frustrating/upsetting, but patience is key. Gentle reminders and a calm tone of voice can ease the frustration for both of you. It might feel like teaching someone a new skill- repetition is your friend. If the memory loss is severe, repetition may not always help, and prompting with cues might be more effective.
Understanding Hearing Challenges for Clear Communication
It’s not uncommon for people with dementia to experience hearing loss. Face them when you speak and enunciate your words to help them understand. It’s not about speaking louder but speaking more clearly. Imagine trying to hear a whisper in a noisy room—clarity is more helpful than volume. Being close and using clear speech can make a big difference.
One Conversation at a Time When You’re Talking To A Loved One Living With Dementia
In group settings, multiple conversations feel overwhelming. Ask others to take turns speaking and avoid talking over each other. This might mean you talk to your family ahead of a family dinner and say, “When Dad is here, can we try to stick to one topic at a time, please, so he can follow along?”
If this isn’t possible, recognize that the person with dementia might not be able to participate in the conversation like they used to. Then look for opportunities either before or after dinner to take them to a quieter part of the house and sit down with them. If possible, have smaller, one-on-one conversations in a quieter area.
Keeping Car Rides Light and Simple
When your loved one has dementia there’s a chance you’re the one driving them to all of their appointments. Your loved one may be feeling anxious about leaving their home and going somewhere that they don’t fully remember, even if it’s to a doctor’s office they’ve been to many times before. Plus, car rides are filled with all sorts of sights and sounds. For someone with dementia, this makes processing conversations even tougher.
Keep car ride talks light and save important topics for when you’re both at home and relaxed. Think of it as saving the main course for when you’re seated at the table, not when you’re still cooking. Distractions in the car can make it challenging to focus, so keeping conversations light can reduce anxiety.
How To Talk To Loved Ones With Dementia
Communicating with a loved one who has dementia has its challenges, but with patience and small adjustments, you create meaningful connections. It’s often the simple gestures—a smile, a touch, a shared moment—that make the biggest impact.
If you’re seeking support or guidance on caring for a loved one with dementia, Idaho Neuropsychology is here to help. We’re dedicated to providing resources and strategies to make your journey easier. Reach out to us today to learn more.
